01/31/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/31/2017

Bill thought he knew me and he wasn't expecting to find out that I drink coffee so it threw him for a huge loop this morning.

Toni called Bill this morning to tell him that he may or may not have sold a job.

 A pregnant woman failed a sobriety test at noon right in front of our office.

80 falcons on a flight, I don't think Roger will be flying Qatar Airways anytime soon, he would have night terrors for the rest of his life if he saw this in person. Apparently a Saudi Prince paid for these falcons to have their own seats.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/30/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/30/2017

Roger claims that he has some ideas....that's just trouble brewing in his mind.

Somebody wants to talk to Toni about selling Amway.

"My blue balls spin." Tim to Bill   I'm really not sure why guys like talking about their balls every two minutes.

"I'm not going to tell Mary." Tim about something devious he's planning

Roger would like us to believe that he had bronchitis last week but I'm pretty sure he had the same thing as Tim, Anal Glaucoma. This is where they can't see their a$$ going to work. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/27/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/27/2017

Steve informed me that it was his great grandmother who died last night so he has plenty more grandparents to have day off excuses for.

I'm pretty sure Toni's mom is the devil. She brought us in bagels today. I'm positive that she's never eaten a bagel in her life and wants the rest of us to eat this food so that she'll always be the gorgeous and thin one.

A lady on the phone today told Typhinee that she sounded much younger than the other person who answered the phone before (me).  Fantastic now my voice is apparently deepening too.

Somebody had way too much time on their hands today and lined Roger's business cards on the carpet to make a trail to his office. They were very precise in their measurements as far as spacing. Nobody admitted to doing this so Steve's sure that his dead grandmother is just f*$%ing with him. I personally think it was Michael and he just didn't want to admit to it...

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/26/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/26/2017

I had an email in my inbox with the subject line "I will make you the happiest man in the world". Am I really a man and I don't know it? Am I living in my own little world? Roger tells me all the time that I have very masculine features, maybe I should believe him. Is this why everyone looks at me funny when I use the women's restroom? Maybe I should start marking the other box on all of my forms.

Roger's back from the dead today and he looks surprisingly well.

Steve used the excuse that his grandmother was dying today to get out of work, can somebody please note it so that he doesn't use it five more times. Knowing Steve and all of his extended family he probably does have five more living grandmothers.

I'm a sucker for all of the Bad Lip Reading Videos. Here's the latest on the Inauguration Day. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/25/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/25/2017

Mary Tyler Moore died today at 80. She was best known for her acting role as the father on "Full House".

It sure didn't take Joe long to lock his keys in his new van.

"I am great in many ways." Roger trying to reassure himself to live

Toni made fun of me for thinking that somebody could make a fast getaway when this person could barely walk. 

Tim seems to be holding out on the info about Crystal, ok it's sad I don't blame him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/24/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/24/2017

Joel is helping Jared out at the moment with billing and mentioned that "Crystal is working on issues". Issues could mean so many things: she's working on upgrading her computer, she's fixing the door in the bathroom that has a hole cut out of it, she's helping the kids with their reading skills, she's finally going to rehab or she's helping her mother who had a stroke. He really needed to be a little more specific...

Roger claims that he's sick again. I yelled at him and called him horrible names today so he should be back tomorrow.

Bill and Roxanne's flight from Orlando was cancelled today so they get to fly back tomorrow. I'm pretty sure it's because Katherine is on the No Fly List.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/23/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/23/2017

I miss my white little fluff ball shadow. Every time I backed up my chair today, I look for Riley.

Kellen claims that he got stood up before he went to the movie by himself over the weekend.

Mary's such a liar, she said she was going to bring in cake to celebrate Steve's birthday but then she must have found out what Steve sold Matt's old van for. 

Roger claims that he was sick and not at the Trump inauguration. He's such a liar, I have the picture to prove it.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/20/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/20/2017

That better have been just a henna tattoo on Roxanne's arm that I saw in a picture. Yes, I'm a prude.

Jared brought in his kid today and all I could see in this four year old was Marty. 

I read a headline today that a man assaulted his wife after he dreamt of her cheating on him. Wow, if I reacted to all of my dreams that way I would have been in prison a long time ago.

Sarah had a great idea, Riley should come to work everyday with Mary.

This is why there is a show called "Portlandia". Darth Vader shoveling snow while unipiping.

Roger was nowhere to be found today. Except I'm pretty sure he's the guy in this picture starring off the other direction at Trump's inauguration. I also found Dot and she's wearing a fur collared jacket (towards the back) and not sitting anywhere near Roger.

http://darkroom-cdn.s3.amazonaws.com/2017/01/md-trump-inauguration-fox-p69.jpg

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/19/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/19/2017

Bill has obviously been experimenting with something in Florida. He told Toni that he saw Carrie Fisher and Elvis on motorized scooters.

Tim is trying to get himself fired again, he stole one of Bill's blue pens. 

Riley's two favorite times of the day are getting to work and leaving work.

I'm sure this didn't go to Mary's head, Bill and Roxanne found this in Orlando. The sign says "Mary Queen of the Universe". 

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/18/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/18/2017

Toni was telling me the other day that he really likes Benedict Cumberbatch as an actor. I had to laugh because he played a he/she in "Zoolander 2".

I'm going to blame Matt for leaving and distracting me to forget Steve's birthday yesterday. Out of guilt Steve got two cakes and a box of cookies today.

Roger came up with a clever idea yesterday but he doesn't want anyone to think that he's a designer.

Bill promised me last week that he was going to leave Katherine here for me to babysit but I think she got out of Bill's office before Monday morning because I can't seem to find her.

Toni's stoked he's going to march in a protest with a whole bunch of angry women on Saturday. The good thing is he claims that he will take pictures of the "earthy" women. Earthy is his new word for a bunch of weird stuff. So if he ever says "April, you're looking quite earthy today" I'll know to slap the crap out of him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/17/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/17/2017

Happy Birthday Steve!

Riley got mad at me last night because I hid all of the kitty toys that she wanted to chew up.

I forgot about Steve's birthday today so Roger is going to take over the party planning committee. He said he would get all of us "good sh*t" for our birthdays, I'm very scared. 

Roger mentioned that Steve is now of the age that he can run for President.

Hopefully Bill and Mary won't run into this dinosaur in Florida.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/16/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/16/2017

The big excitement of the day was that somebody dumped their garbage next to our shop and Kellen found their t-mobile bill in the trash so we had a policeman visit us today.

Riley made all sorts of new friends today but of course she managed to avoid Roger.

Mary called in drunk at eight something in the morning thinking it should be afternoon here.

Ryan and I went to Mt Rainier over the weekend and went snowshoeing. It was a beautiful sunny day with plenty of fresh snow, we seriously couldn't have asked for a better day.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/13/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/13/2017

"I can be a scary a$$ b*tch." Mary   How did she know what all of us were thinking?

Our guys and their 18 hour Friday lunches. Bill claims that Steve and Toni are bad luck only because Bill received his food light years ahead of Steve and Toni.

I didn't see Roger today but I'm pretty sure he was the one who made the headline today about paying 300,000 pennies to the DMV just to inconvenience them.

Our white fluffy company mascot is going to join us at work next week and I'm not referring to Tim.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/12/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/12/2017

Tim says it's snowing in Reno.

"This will end up on the news." Roger about Andrew's new job

Steve screwed everything up today and he was disappointed that Bill wasn't here to yell at him.

Roger mentioned that Andrew is getting married this year and that he's still not allowed to talk to his fiance's father, the very short story is the father doesn't like Andrew.

Rumor has it that there will be a fifth season of "Arrested Development" soon.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/11/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/11/2017

Somebody on the phone today thought their contacts name was Gayla instead of Typhinee. That's kind of a far stretch.

Toni was high on something this morning, he was telling us he wanted to take Tim to Argentina and shoots ducks that are wearing swim trunks and t-shirts. It's a good thing Toni isn't going to Disney World next week with Bill.

Toni made the mistake of asking the guys in the office if his shirt was pink.

Toni was given somebody's number with a message that said "for all your needs, wants and desires". It really sounds like this guy knows everything about Toni.

Bill wants Roger and I to write out new hire interview questions. I have a feeling that he just wants something to burn.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/10/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/10/2017

"I'm going to compare your kid to a penny stock." Tim to Bill

I think Steve is going to get some great naps in his new office.

Roger made up a new rumor today that he, the official weathermen, changed the freezing temperature to 38 degrees.

Tim is off to Reno with his parents and he's so looking forward to the skanky women without teeth, smoke and male prostitutes (for Toni of course).

Kind of strange, Bill gave Mary a book without any words today.

Roger thought we had gophers making our mole hills outside. If we had cute furry gophers I would be outside in the rain trying to catch myself one.

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/09/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/09/2017

Bill thinks it's awesome to have a kid just to be able to board a plane first.

Toni wants to know who put his knife in a drawer for him to break the tip off of it....

I think our Jimmy John's guy today was afraid of Roger, he just wanted to leave his lunch on the island.

Toni's a mean boy, he came in and used my printer and then turned the power off when he left. I had to reboot it.

Typhinee found these for Toni today. Instead of being hot pants they're action pants. Technically Toni's are a little shorter and definitely not adult sized.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/06/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/06/2017

Mary claims that she doesn't pull numbers out of her a$$. Maybe Randy does it for her since he's an a$$ man.

Bill made up some horrible lie as to why the guys had a five hour lunch today. It's amazing the things that he thinks that I'll believe.

"Everyday I come here I get a little more degenerated."  Roger about having to listen to Steve

Speaking of Roger, he mentioned that Steve's moving out to the sh*tter.

Apparently Steve and Bill would both like their pants back from their wives. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/05/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/05/2017

Bill made a comment the other day that he could upgrade some software for free if the user was handicapped. Turns out this user is known for turning on the Sticky Keys function on his computer and today he hung some pictures in his office so if anyone would like to verify, they'll see exactly why Bill made this decision.

Steve was man handling Tim today in the center of the showroom. He said he never imagined that he would get to handle Tim's drawers. Obviously Steve's finding new "friends" now that Matt's gone.

Here's the box that the doctors decided to put Bill in today. Roxanne has already asked them if she could order a locking one for home.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/04/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/04/2017

Bill thinks that Mary has more GB in her than he does. Is he implying that Mary slept with GB more than he did?

Roger seems to be very concerned about Charles Manson's health. He thinks he's a great American figure just like Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher.

Matt's going to be jealous when he hears that Steve and Joe were together today.

Toni is now the poop wizard. Bill's advice is not to get stuck next to Toni at a party because he will tell you how you can sell your poo.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/03/2017

The Daily Chatter*

01/03/2017

Michael thinks that we're all slackers because we didn't show up for work yesterday. I'm pretty sure he and Toni formed a club.

I'm so mad at Mary right now, I had a dream that she gave Riley to a neighbor.

"I'm turning into an old codger." Bill

I'm moving up in the world, Roger told me that I'm ahead of Crystal on his list.

I just read a headline that said that the worlds oldest known killer whale is presumed to be dead at 105. This has Toni's name written all over it. Toni, what did you do?

Ryan and I ventured over to Franklin Falls at Snoqualmie Pass on New Years Day and it was sure beautiful but there were way too many stupid people, it took us forever to get out of that place.

 

*not to be construed as Gossip