01/31/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/31/2018

Toni's friends think he's rude when he's sober.

Poor Tim didn't even know where his cruise was taking him until we looked it up today. I just hope Donna keeps a leash around him so he doesn't get lost. Tim, here's your map in case you get lost.

Bill couldn't believe that I didn't buy him an inappropriate cake for his surgery today.

All Steve could do today was quote Bob Barker.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/30/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/30/2018

Toni mentioned that he's going to need to take a shower after going to lunch with Steve. He said something about they smeared fish oil all over their bodies....This is why I don't go to lunch with the guys.

It was really nice of Roxanne to insist that Bill get his procedure done the week of his birthday.

I tried telling Toni that the rep for the PK meeting tomorrow is hot, just so that he would show up but I have no idea and now I hope that he is so that I'm not a liar.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/29/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/29/2018

Now that dry January is almost over for Toni he's already talking about drinking.

Tim gets on his Carnival cruise ship on Thursday. This man doesn't remember how to work. He was gone Thursday and Friday of last week and now he's going to cut this week short.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/26/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/26/2018

If I'm not at work on Monday it's because Roger and Dot took me up on being their tour guide on Maui. Just don't let them know it's been awhile since I've been to that island.

Bill thinks Matthew Perry needs to go back to drinking or drugs because he was much funnier on "Friends" than anything else.

My husband informed me that we have to go to a craft store so that he can buy heart shaped cookie cutters. I think Ryan's been hanging with Toni....

Bill thinks Toni stretches like a ballerina.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/25/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/25/2018

Roger seems to get all of the weird appointments or else he's the only one who talks about them because he wants Dot to think that he's innocent of whatever. He had one today where the woman had a book about how to forgive on her nightstand and an open drawer full of sex toys. I think Roger felt insulted that she didn't invite him to go to bed with her though, it's always nice to asked.

Everyone seems to be announcing their done with touring this week. Lynyrd Skynyrd announced their farewell tour which is almost the same thing.

A bar in New York City is banning customers from saying the word "literally", it seems very Seinfeldesque. If Toni owned a bar he would do the same thing with the word "moist".

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/24/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/24/2018

Toni for some reason thinks that Kellen puts his dick on everything. Does Toni know something that we don't? Just in case I sanitized Sarah's desk.

Elton John just announced that he's going to retire from touring.

According to Roger, Sarah now has two boy toys at work. I'm sure we just don't know about the rest of them yet....

Apparently Alan Alda can't get into his own FB page.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/23/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/23/2018

According to Roger having a flat tire is worse than starving to death and having Aids.

Toni holds the title for being the office slut according to several of our employees.

To my amazement Toni didn't get a dog last night.

I tried informing everyone not to swap bodily fluids with Kellen today since he's sick but in case I didn't tell you this is your warning (if it's not too late).

Toni ruined my day, he told me that Neil Diamond announced that he's not touring anymore because he has Parkinson's disease. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/22/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/22/2018

According to Bill if you're a straight guy you shouldn't wear a gradient colored shirt.

Toni and his friends paid money to go to some sort of puzzle room to challenge their minds in order to get out of rooms.  Then Toni asked Bill if he was interested in doing this as a company event. I'm pretty sure Bill said no because he didn't want to find out first hand how dumb some of his employees are.

Toni is seriously mean, he tells me that he just sent something inappropriate to Bill and doesn't even tell me what it's about.

Toni and Nikki are going to look at a dog tonight which means Toni's getting a dog.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/19/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/19/2018

Courtney thinks that having darts in the break room with Steve's face on it was a brilliant idea. So Kudos Bill.

Steve told me not to switch sides when I see the woman whose going to buy our van. I hope he was kidding.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/18/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/18/2018

Mary has obviously been talking to the installer TJ because TJ drunk dialed Toni the other night and started asking him if he had kids.

Ashley had a conversation today with someone that she can't unhear and surprisingly similar to Bill's odd conversation yesterday.

Roger thinks I should get in on the #MeToo movement for some fame and potential money. I really need to pick a drug addicted celebrity who doesn't remember most of his nights.

I'm not sure how this started but Tim has a new nickname for Ashley, Mush.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/17/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/17/2018

FYI, talking about your sex life with Bill when you're a new employee makes him uncomfortable but if you've been here over a year he's all ears.

According to Toni, Charlie Sheen is being preserved by cocaine.

Ashley was disappointed that we didn't pay more attention to her today on Ashley Day. She was hurt to see that Typhinee had flowers on her desk and she didn't and that Steve got a card and she didn't.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/16/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/16/2018

Toni almost got kissed by Super Storm Sandy last night and the horrible part is he's still partaking in dry January.

Michael called Riley scruffy. I told him he needed to apologize to her.

Tim and Michael tried mopping the floor with Riley today and sending a picture to Mary. She's never going to trust me with her dog again.

Seriously Roger asked me if Bill was going to have any more kids. How did he already forget about the Dr. Dong story?

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/15/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/15/2018

Toni and I arm wrestled to see who would get Riley this week and I won only because I sat on his arm.

Ashley and her boyfriend went to the Unicorn bar on Friday night and didn't run into Toni. He must have been hanging at a different gay bar that night.

Tim owes me an apology, he had me sobbing in my dream. He decided to leave the company not to retire but for another job.

Ashley would like everyone to know that she got a huge pat on the back today by one of Bill's contractors because she's amazing. Just to show that this didn't go to her head on Wednesday she would like it to be Ashley Day instead of Steve's birthday.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/12/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/12/2018

Bill's memory is going just like the rest of us. He told me the real reason he fired Jacob was because he touched his stupid sandbox. The kids name was Joseph.

Leave it to Toni to break out in Hanson's MMMBop today.

Katherine basically just asks me to leave the room in her own special way now, she grabs the door handle, starts closing the door and then waves to me. It's definitely cute so if any of you want me to leave the room, I would prefer you do it her way.

Toni was asking Bill what CD he had in his car right now and then Toni spouts out that he has NSYNC in his car and then he swears to it. I told Toni the sad part is that all of us believe him, he didn't need to swear to it.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/11/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/11/2018

"I feel like Tim right now trying to figure this out." Ashley about a software issue

Toni of course had a percentage for me today that he told me that I was X% amount more organized than he was. I want to know where he gets these percentages. Are there studies going on behind my back?

I think the newbie is already digging Roger, she gave him food.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/10/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/10/2018

I think the wives of our Seahawks fans are going to be heartbroken, the guys keep saying this is the happiest day of their lives because Bevell got fired.

Tim and Michael are going away together again....

Speaking of odd things, Ashley mentioned that someone was trying to bust her balls today...

Bill thinks that Toni and Ashley are disgusting.

Roxanne almost stopped by at lunchtime but realized that we would probably turn her away since she didn't have kids with her. She's more than welcome to come alone but we'll put her work.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/09/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/09/2018

To Bill's surprise his Dr. Dong was a very hot Asian woman this morning. I told him not to tell Roxanne but he sure the heck didn't listen....

Roger sure seemed to be in a rush today, I don't think he wanted to stick around here long enough for me to make fun of him.

Some lady in an elevator told Toni that he had short toes...Why is Toni wearing open toed shoes, doesn't he realize he gets cold too easily?

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/08/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/08/2018

Toni for some odd reason is concerned of what I think of him. Just because he's an idiot who couldn't discover that the surge protector to his printer was off and he thought that it was broken all of last week really shouldn't be a big deal.

Bill was telling me that Roxanne was trying to keep from going into labor because it was 2am. She's too nice and she gives the rest of us a bad rap.

Toni wants a toupee now that he saw a guy with an awesome one in our showroom today.

This is how the insane pop pricing at Costco in Seattle looks now with the additional sugar tax.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/05/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/05/2018

Tim would like me to retract that he was b*tchy yesterday. I think what he would like everyone to think is that he is overworked and definitely not b*tchy.

Bill and Roxanne distracted all of us from our work with their precious babies today.

We are going to have some cranky employees, Toni and Sarah have both made resolutions not to drink alcohol for a month and in Sarah's case a few weeks longer so my resolution is to drink more just to pick up their slack.

Mary's dad is a stud, he has two girlfriends at his nursing home and can't remember that he's married. Strangest thing the same thing happens to my husband all of the time.

Typhinee called me clunky today, I don't even know how to take that so I'll I'm going to start drinking when I get home.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/04/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/04/2018

"I just like pink and purple." Kellen to Courtney

Toni said he's really into short, married Asian women.

Roger and I came to the sad conclusion today that we will never grow up.

Tim is a little b*tchy today, I think losing at Powerball really got to him.

Roger was confused as to why Sarah would take her chicken to the vet and not just cut the head off and cook it.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/03/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/03/2018

Apparently Toni's friend is great rape material in Charleston according to some black woman, she said he was pretty hot for a white guy.

Michael is such a suck up, he gave Bill's baby boy a present.

I think the only reason Bill came to the office today was to sleep and we sure the heck weren't very accommodating.

Fantastic news, Mt St Helens is having earthquakes again....yikes.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/02/2018

The Daily Chatter*

01/02/2018

Toni was trying to make some Texan crap his pants this morning. Apparently this is how he likes to start his week off.

Tim is peeved at Typhinee for parking in his spot. Tim's been gone a week, he doesn't qualify to have a parking spot anymore.

Roger was a horrible grandfather over the holiday, he let the kid stay up late and play with his toys all night.

Note to self, don't wear inappropriate leggings while near a bus stop because Toni will take a picture of you.

I'm very disappointed with Bill, he hasn't brought the baby in yet.

For the holiday we went to Hurricane Ridge and played in the snow and now Ryan is known as the bird whisperer (thanks to Roxanne) because he got one to land on him.

*not to be construed as Gossip